Penis Museum in Reykjavik, Iceland [PHOTOS]

Returning from Iceland, friends and family didn’t ask about the glacier hike I took, nor the dramatic waterfalls I was doused by or the geothermal soak at the Blue Lagoon. The only topic of hard interest was if I had visited the Penis Museum in Reykjavik! Fine then, to appease your curiosity, yes, I did go to the Icelandic Phallological Museum. How could I resist when it bills itself as, “the only museum in the world to contain a collection of phallic specimens belonging to all the various types of mammal found in a single country.”

And indeed, they weren’t dicking around with this collection. As of September 2014, they have amassed penises from 220 Icelandic mammals, 40 international ones (like a gorilla or the impressive elephant’s) and 226 phallic-centric artifacts. Shlong sizes range from a 2-millimeter hamster (magnifying glass required) to a 6-foot sperm whale.

Other arousing, erectile aspects include:

Whale Willies

Sixty whale penis specimens from 17 different kinds of whales are on display, including a sperm whale. On average, an erect blue whale penis is 12 inches in diameter and ten feet in length–no doubt, the largest penis on the planet.

Outstanding Human Penises

Being in Iceland for the SATW travel writing conference, the irony that, not a porn star, but a writer/blogger lays claim to the largest penis in the world was not lost (i.e. writers rock in all departments). A solemn photo of Jonah Falcon, a 41-year-old New Yorker, looking down on his 9-inch manhood (13.5 inches erect) hangs on a wall. To give you an idea, in photo below, the bottle of Brennivin covers the length of it. And yes, he has agreed to donate his penis to the museum when he passes.

But he won’t be the museum’s first human penis pickled in formaldehyde for all eternity. In 2011, Pall Arason, a 95-year-old Icelandic tour guide, became the first human to be featured in the museum. His penis and scrotum covered in reddish, gray hair is—although not very attractive—one of the museum’s main attractions.

Three more future homo sapiens have been promised to Iceland’s penis museum, including Tom Mitchell of California, who tattooed his phallus with stars and stripes for the posthumous occasion. Check out the trailer for “The Final Member” documentary about the battle that ensued in being the first human penis specimen.

Cock Kitsch

As a cocktail imbiber and writer, of the museum’s penis memorabilia, my favorite was the penis-shaped bar kit. The beautiful lampshades made from bull scrotum were a close second. Who knew scrotum could be so chic?